When we last left the Grimes’ Gang, Rick had just killed his best friend and master cuckolder, Shane, and Carl had just headshot Zombie Shane. Also, there’s like a kajillabillion zombies shambling towards Carl and Rick just out of eyeline so there’s about to be a major situation.
A helicopter piques the interest of a gaggle of zombies who are dining on something. (Rick’s original horse from the pilot? How bad does that decision look in retrospect? “Durr Durr, I’ll go ride a horse into ZombieVille. Durr De Durr.” That’s like me riding a float made up of KFC into a zoo) and they travel for miles and miles and miles and as they do they begin to assemble into a super army of zombies. They are in the area when Carl blows Shane’s head off and this makes them want to investigate. (Though to be fair, wouldn’t Shane’s errant shot have also done this?)
Also important to note: the helicopter. Clearly this teases something down the road and I like that they just let it sit there and don’t feel the need to fill out that storyline yet.
After opening credits, everyone is in the house and they’re all like, WHAT is going on? Darryl and Glen enter scene and explicate things for the sake of exposition telling the other characters that Rick and Shane are alone, a shot was fired, and Shane totally probably just broke Randall’s neck.
Lori is pissed and tells Darryl to go look for Rick and Darryl from a few episodes ago would have been like EXPLETIVE no, but this is a kinder gentler Darryl I guess and he’s like K fine.
You know what my favorite part is? Lori has NO idea that her son is absent from the situation. NONE. This is like the infinitieth night in a row that Carl is up to some zombie hijinks and Lori is not even close to having a clue. I love it. Lori has a couple of jobs: be really unlikable, be pregnant, stir up trouble between Shane and Rick, and anti-feminist. That’s it, yet she can’t even keep up with her only son.
Carl and Rick walk back from the Shane death site and Carl asks the penetrating questions about what happened to Shane.
But before Rick can answer, they notice about 20,000 zombies hissing and shambling around them. MAN are people slightly oblivious in the zompocalypse. They scramble for cover in a barn. MEANWHILE, the rest of the gang watch the zombie army descend upon them. Lori figures out that Carl is missing and decides to go check his room again, in the off chance that Carl was hiding and making stupid faces in the closet I guess? Meanwhile, everyone grabs a shotgun and says awesome one liners while cocking their guns.
Might as well (CHU CHU) It’s as good a night as any.
I was raised in the country (CHU CHU) you pick up a few things.
Let’s go do some drive-bys (CHU CHU) in my Kia Sorrento.
Carl and Rick decide to burn the barn down to distract the zombies and try to escape. Solid plan, but Herschel is gone to freak out.
Rick antagonizes the zombies and draws them into the barn. I will say this: hinging my plan of dropping a lighter on a group of zombies on a kid, who a few days earlier thought throwing gravel at a mud-bound zombie was a good idea, is probably more risk than one should take on in this situation, but I guess Rick has no choice.
Rick gives Carl the signal and Carl generates a flame with the lighter and drops it onto the group. I’m not even going to quibble with this. I can’t keep a flame for more than 2 seconds on a lighter, but it’s standard currency in Hollywood for people to be able to slingshot them from 12 acres away and the flame keeps.
But the REAL anarchy happens once the gang mobilizes and everyone is driving Kias and stuff and shooting guns from the passenger window on the go and it’s headshots galore. Realistic? Probably not, but it’s still fantastic.
Herschel’s nameless son / nephew / something drives Dale’s RV to the barn to pick up Rick and Carl and inexplicably he stops to roam about the RV when a gaggle of zombies burst in and begin dining on his upper thigh. If it’s me, I keep rolling with Carl and Rick on top and hope that they are hanging on, BUT HEY that’s me. Carl and Rick exit the RV and see the blood of Herschel’s nameless kin spattered on the windows and they’re all alike Woops?
Back from commercial and it’s still anarchy. Fires are raging, Kias are doing drive-bys, T Bone Dawg is getting multiple looks on camera. ZOMBIE INSANITY.
Carol and Lori still haven’t found Carl. I think they looked in the ice box and armoir cabinet or something. Lori yells something dramatic like THAT’S MUH BOY and CARRRRRRLLLLLL like she’s Stanley from A Streetcar Named Desire but Carl doesn’t respond because he’s running for his life.
Meanwhile Herschel is on a firing rampage and doesn’t seem interested that the train is leaving his farm.
Lori and the gals head for escape and Herschel’s new wife / sister / female relative gets her neck chomped off. Bad times for her. The rest of the women pile into T Bone / Dawg’s car and Andrea saves Carol but gets ditched by the rest of the people in the process.
Meanwhile, Herschel is apparently still working from his ammo ring of infinite resupply. He’s been firing on the zombie horde for 45 minutes with a shotgun and he hasn’t reloaded once. Finally, he runs out and just as a straggler is about to bite into his head, Rick shows up and splatters the would be killer zombie all over Herschel.
Herschel is like, Hey General Douche Canoe, next time, just tell me instead of firing a bullet 2 cms from my head, and Rick is all like LORI WHERE IS LORI HAVE YOU SEEN LORI? YOU KNOW THE SCRAWNY LADY THAT EVERYONE HATES? and Herschel is like, I don’t know. This is my farm though and I must die firing this shotgun and Rick is like, LOL no let’s go.
Again, Andrea gets ditched and a wandering Carol is saved by Darryl. Wait how did Andrea and Carol get split up again? I thought Andrea saved her? Andrea is REALLY good at headshotting zombies but she is probably the worst at not getting ditched by friends.
Back from commercial, it’s suddenly morning and Maggie is kind of freaking out and ugly crying and Glenn decides that he should tell her that he loves her. I wish they’d just get married already so we don’t have to watch this whole Jack and Rose dynamic play out.
Rick, Carl and Herschel go to where they left stuff for Sophia and Carl is all attitude with Rick and throwing down awkward hand gestures everywhere. Herschel wants to split up but Rick says No.
T Bone Dawg is with Lori and the girl who tried to kill herself and he refuses to turn around like she’s asking him to swallow a switchblade or something, but eventually she wins because she’s so relentlessly naggy.
The whole gang gets back together and it’s super happy and emotional and Darryl makes a racist slur. Everyone recounts the non-surviving members of the group and Andrea is the only one no one is sure about. Darryl wants to go back, but everyone says no.
Back from commercial and Andrea is seen on the run and things do not look promising.
Rick’s truck runs out of gas and the gang decides to camp out for the night and find gas in the morning. Rick reveals what the CDC scientist told him in the season 1 finale and it’s that everyone is infected with the zombie virus, which is why people turn after death even if they aren’t bit. This pisses everyone off, especially Glenn. I get that people want to know things like that, but people are FREAKING out like this fundamentally changes something.
Rick tells Lori about Shane and Lori is the opposite of supportive. He also tells her that Carl puts Shane down and this makes her REALLY mad that it’s unclear why. Is it the she’s mad that Shane’s dead? That Carl put him down? That she’s so bad of a mom that her son could kill a zombie in defense of his dead and she wouldn’t know it? Hey guess what Lori, if you didn’t CONSTANTLY lose track of Carl, he probably wouldn’t be having to shoot zombies in the head.
Back from commercial and Andrea is scrambling but things are looking grim. Just as she seems done, a silent, sword wielding benefactor comes to her aid.
Click the footnote if you want to know more about this character.1
Back at Camp Grimes, people are all over Rick’s case about everything and he snaps and tells everyone to use their inside voices or he’ll put them all outside and that if they want to leave they can because last time he checked, you can’t kill zombies by nagging and second-guessing them to death.
Zoom out and we see a large, fortified structure showing us where most of next season will take place. Click the footnote for more info about this structure.2
State of Shane’s Soul
So very dead. But click the footnote if you want to know what happens in the comic to zombie Shane. It’s pretty fantastic.3
Dale Crazy Eye’s Update
Zombie Kill Of The Week
All of them. ESPECIALLY the ones from the Kia.
What was your favorite part of the finale?
- It’s a character named Michonne who is brilliant and awesome and fantastic and yes she does travel with two armless zombie prisoners, but it’s for a really good reason. [↩]
- It’s totally a prison and it’s totally going to be where all of Season 3 takes place AS WELL AS TONS of crazy stuff if the comics give us any indication. [↩]
- So Shane dies in much in the same way, a little different but that’s for another footnote. ANYWAYS, by the time Rick figures out that people reanimate as zombies, they’ve moved on from where Shane died and was buried, so Rick drives a few hours back to where he buried Shane, digs him up, and blows his head off then reburies him. It’s pretty fantastic and I’m willing to beat that the big reason he did it is because Shane slept with Lori. That would have totally been it for me. [↩]