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Author of Jesus and The Bachelorette and unapologetic devotee of teen soap operas and police procedurals. knoxmccoy.com

The Impending Honey Boo Boo-pocalypse

It’s happening. Honey Boo Boo’s show happened last night and she’s officially holding America  hostage like Bane held Gotham hostage with his crazy mechanized Bond voice and a super huge bomb that kind of looked like Krane’s Technodrome.

Ok so maybe not really. But before everyone turns this into a referendum on our culture and the evils of Chick-Fil-A, let’s just breakdown the two reactions we should have to HBBC.

1. EITHER, you can get really, really mad that TLC is televising a show that is encouraging someone like HBBC to exist in reality. That’s totally your right and you can talk about how things were better when TV was socially conscious and it showed Desi and Lucy sleeping in separate beds and not some 5 year-old pseudo-anthropomorphizing her ample belly. I can’t really argue with you there.

But this is reality. As a culture, we’ve become desensitized to general stupidity so we need full throttle stupidity. We need to go rural Georgia and find a family who speaks such an evolved dialectic of English slang that we have to subtitle them. SUBTITLES. It was like watching The Passion of The Christ except for everything but the subtitle similarity.

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